Mentors are a gift…
Dear Friend,
Oh, the blessing of having a mentor/coach/support person!! I have been feeling lost and left behind this week. While I am struggling, but not totally underwater. The words and more specifically the acronyms of this job and the foreign service are starting to form images and ideas in my mind. Like learning a second and third language I am slowly I am finding areas that seem like they are starting to make sense.
It always is such a struggle to balance the frustration of not knowing and knowing that others who should know, actually don’t. Reliance on others is a double-edged sword because they often fail to live up to expectations. However, my coach never does. She is a rock of joy and treasure. Helping to tease out the ideas in my mind giving me assurances on my feelings, and asking the questions that need to be asked. I was frustrated and felt without direction but now I have direction and an idea. I also have an understanding of the self-reliance and self-drive that I will need. This journey will not be easy, but let's face it: nothing worth anything is easy. But I have the capability. Not because others believe I do, but because I do. I have worked hard to believe in myself and if I don’t believe in myself, I still have the skills to accomplish it. It is no longer needing to “believe” that I can do it, it is just having the knowledge that I will do it.
I find that I have grown and that my fears are no longer vested in the beliefs of others. I find myself trying to look inside for another place to move the fears, but I find that I really don’t have the motivation to do that; I just toss them out the window and move on. Do I still have fears of the unknown, the fears of failure, or of an imposter that is confident that everyone knows that I am misplaced in this world? Sure… But the question is “Do I have to have them to make me fit in?” “No, not at all.” It is just another thing to move through. Taking the steps and finding the path forward.
I find that some traditionalists are ashamed that USAID has hired people without the traditional Peace Corps, international family ties, and/or experience in the world of FSO. I find that I am the opposite of that mindset. I am non-traditional, to be sure, but I am non-traditional, and that is the point. Administrator Powers made a point of having the agency look outside of its “traditions” because she felt that others have something to offer. I am one of those others. I have something to offer. What and how that will transpire is irrelevant. I just have something to offer, that is different, that has the potential to change the balance. My own feeling of being a Mulan, the warrior. In this way I am the hero of my own story, the hero of my own life. That is the gift that Moldova has given me in only 30 days.
